


The ride home.

by Sparkypip



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Doctor!John, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Overdose, Sherlock!Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:30:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5637358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sparkypip/pseuds/Sparkypip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An account of the journey home from the air strip in the abominable bride. In my own angsty way I like to be. (The potential overdose was not played on enough for me so here's my take). Please comment. : )</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins! Now another Sherlock episode has aired its kicked me back into touch with a bit of fanfiction (not that I actually have the time to write it but I managed this one on a night shift - yay for no sleep!). I loved the special, I know a lot of people didn't, but I'm glad to see Sherlock losing it a little bit ready for series 4 (I'm a sucker for angst, hurt/comfort stuff, so hoping for more of this in series 4). I don't think they played up the OD part much, and I'm not quite sure how he managed to walk himself off the plane when he had supposedly taken so much. I also think John (not so much Mycroft's) reactions were a little played down - no one really had a panic about the drug taking? So here's my take on the car ride home, in my usual overly angsty way how I like it. Read on if that's your thing. I'm afraid I don't know the actual dose for humans and naloxone (the reversal for opioid overdose), so sorry if this is wrong. I've used it in animals, never on a human.
> 
> PS. in my eyes I don't see that Sherlock attempted suicide at all, in the scene with Moriarty at Baker street he says 'I will have to go deeper', as far as I make this out is... I need to take more drugs to find out more, and therefore taking a bit too much.
> 
> Anyway... please enjoy... and please review if you can. : )

"So Emilia Ricoletti?" John asked, "Tell me, what happened to her?" The doctor bent slightly over his friend on the back seat of the car.

"What?" Sherlock's eyes shot up to meet his friends, the haze still in them. He smiled to himself and let his eyes close again and his head lolled against the head rest. "Irrelevant John, but clever. I see what you're trying to do." He smiled to himself again, in a drug induced way which only stretched the doctor's patience further. "You're trying to keep me talking," the detective continued rambling. "Hoping that I cannot slip into some sort of coma if I keep babbling at you?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if you did by the 'list' I have just read." John ground out between his teeth. "What the hell were you thinking!?"

"I had to go deep." Sherlock mumbled. "The Ricoletti case was highly relevant to the current situation; I had to work through it in my mind palace." The last three words slurred into one.

"You just told me it was irrelevant, now you tell me it is?"

"Why are you still talking?" The detective flicked his hand as if to bat John away like an annoying fly.

"I swear to God Sherlock. If you don't open your eyes and start talking a decent amount of sense to me I'm taking you straight to the nearest hospital and having you locked up in rehab!"

"John." Mycroft warned from the front seat of car, the warning glace told the doctor all he needed to know and he was right, locking up Sherlock was not what he needed right now.

The doctor fidgeted on the edge of his seat, he was uneasy and disturbed by the state of his friend. He's seen Sherlock high only on a couple of occasions but this was nothing like before, the detectives lax semi-conscious body sent terror into the man. He wanted to do nothing more than call an ambulance and deposit Sherlock into a hospital bed where he could be monitored properly. Sadly he knew exactly how that one would turn out.

"At least open your eyes for me?" John took a deep breath to calm himself. When the detective finally obliged, the doctor watched closely to see Sherlock's sluggish pupil response. A bit not good. He attempted to take a pulse but the hand was quickly snatched away with a snarl. Sherlock turned his body away, curling into his coat and closing his eyes once again.

"Fine!" John threw his arms up in defeat. "But if you slip into a coma I'm not helping you and you have no sympathy."

"Don't be so dramatic." Sherlock mumbled from inside his coat where he had now buried his head.

"It's highly probable." John crossed his arms.

"Highly improbable." The detective answered. "I calculated the doses perfectly. Well… almost perfectly." He added in haste. "This dose is unlikely to cause such a dramatic response, especially when one has developed somewhat of a resistance."

"Resistance." John scoffed. "Something you're proud of?"

"Oh what does it matter" Another angry snarl shot in the doctors direction. "What do you care about it?"

A small pause followed and John's voice softened. "Because I'm worried about you." He finally said. "I care about you."

"Oh God. Not you too." Sherlock turned back. He opened his hazy eyes and looked at his friend. "How many times have I told you about caring John?" He paled suddenly and gulped. "Stop the car."

The car came to an abrupt halt on the small B road it was travelling. The detective swung the passenger door open quickly and heaved onto the grass verge below. John had already unbuckled himself and was at his friend's side by the time the detective pulled himself upright and wiped away the stray spittle from his face.

"Alright?" he asked as Sherlock shut the door and climbed back into his seat his hands now visibly shaking. His face had paled considerably since departing the airfield and John's inner medic was starting to panic. "I really think we should get you something for this Sherlock." He said sternly.

"I'm fine." The detective sucked a small and apparently difficult breath in and out and gulped back the rising bile threatening again. He accepted the bottle of water from Mary who was now also out her seat.

"Perhaps you should listen to him for once?" Mary added.

"No." Sherlock took a sip of water. He then, to John's alarm, collapsed back into his seat and slipped quickly into unconsciousness. If it hadn't been for Mary he would have drenched himself in half a litre of water too.

"Mycroft." John turned to the older Holmes.

"What do you need?"

"A bloody hospital would be good." John cried.

"You know that's not going to be possible Dr Watson. Sherlock is a known criminal; one can't simply waltz into any emergency department."

"Well a few medical supplies wouldn't go amiss." John bent over his friend and peeled back one of Sherlock's eyelids to reveal a near pinprick sized pupil.

"Under the middle seat." Mycroft pointed.

John pulled the seat up to find a rather smart looking first aid kit. "Why the hell didn't you tell me about this before?" The doctor opened the box to find more than your average kit, but sadly no drugs to counteract Sherlock's obvious overdose.

"You will have more supplies once we reach Baker Street." Mycroft added. He turned to his chauffeur. "I suggest you step on it Johnson. My little brother has somewhere to be, sharpish."

John felt the car lurch into action as the driver stepped on the gas. He hoped to God that Mycroft knew what the hell he was doing because right now his best friend's life was hanging in the balance. He routed through the box of medical supplies and took stock of what was there. Taking out the stethoscope and pen torch and handing the rest to Mary he turned back to his friend.

"Sherlock?" he tried to rouse his unconscious companion to no avail. Gently pushing the detective's eyelids back he shone the light into both finding little to no response now. "Sherlock? Can you hear me?" Nothing. He donned the stethoscope then, pulling open the detectives coat and placing the bell onto his friend's chest listening for air flow and then is heart. It was beating steady, but too slow for his liking. "Sherlock!" He shook the detective's shoulders violently and slapped him gently across the cheek. The taller man then let out an abhorrent groan but did not rouse. "Come on. Don't be doing things like this on me."

John looked out the window to see the more familiar outer suburbs of the city, not too long now. The car was now racing along the street and John almost laughed at the thought of Mycroft breaking the speed limit and landing himself with a ticket.

"Any Naloxone in that med box waiting for us?" John asked quickly while pulling out a thermometer to check his friend's temperature.

"Yes." Mycroft looked up from his phone. "And plenty of it too."

"Good." John looked worriedly at the thermometers low reading, "because we're going to need it." He dumped the item back in the box and pulled out a selection of intravenous catheters, a tourniquet and surgical swabs and then with Mary's help proceeded to pull his friend from the heavy Belstaff coat.

John rolled up Sherlock's sleeve and cringed at the sight of the needle sticks and bruised veins beneath. This was not the first time his friend has 'used' in the past few days. He disregarded that arm and turned to the other, finding it in a more appropriate state for IV access. Sherlock's veins were terrible, but it was no surprise to the doctor considering his friend's current state and his past (and present) drug abuse. John was an army medic though, he'd had worse and within a few minutes he had secured a line into Sherlock's arm in preparation for their arrival at Baker Street.

He looked out the window to see the borough of Westminster flying by, how they had got so far so quickly, John did not know. The doctor took stock of Sherlock again. The detective looked horrendous. He had (if at all possible), paled further, his lips had started to turn awful blue tinge and his breathing was becoming dangerously shallow.

"Mary." John turned to his wife, his heart now starting to pump faster with adrenalin, the situation was becoming all too dire. "When we get to Baker Street I need to you collect the medical supplies and bring them straight back to the car, he's not going to make it into the flat."

"Got it." Mary said, she was a nurse, she knew the drill.

John checked his friend's radial pulse. Weak, thready and barely palpable. The doctor looked up to find the car turning into Baker Street. They would be there in 30 seconds, but John wasn't even sure his friend could make another 10 seconds before going into respiratory or cardiac arrest. John placed his cheek next to Sherlock's slack mouth, one weak exhale. He waited, and waited, then another. The car ground to a halt and Mary was out the door within seconds.

"Hold on mate, nearly there." He grasped Sherlock's hand tightly as if letting him go would result in his demise.

Mary bundled back into the vehicle, two medic bags in hand. She unzipped one, rummaging quickly through the side pockets she handed a vial to John and then a needle and syringe. The doctor drew up the drug with his steady hands and squeezed out the air bubbles. He connected it to the catheter and forced the contents into Sherlock's veins, he wasn't even sure his friend was breathing anymore. He glanced at his watch and waited for 45 seconds to pass taking his friends vitals in again. Pulse still weak but marginally better and breathing still terrible.

"Another vial," John turned to his wife to find she had already obliged and drawn up another dose, ready for administration.

The doctor injected the full second dose into his friends IV and then flushed it with saline. A pregnant and worrying pause followed, John counted down to a minute on his watch. "Come on now Sherlock, no more games, it's time to wake up."

The doctor took a pulse and respiration check and then tapped his friend across the cheek to no avail. He pulled out the pen torch, checking the detective's pupils. "Sherlock, wake up now?" he repeated again, "Sherlock, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you, you idiot." The younger man cracked his eyes open and took in a huge gulp of air. "I'm not deaf." He added with a slur of the words.

"Don't ever do that again!" John's voice rose. "You bastard!"

Sherlock blinked with confusion at his surroundings. "Ah," he grunted, "We're home."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock suffers from the drugs. John takes care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst abound. Sorry not sorry. This came from some personal experience so hoping I wrote it ok. Sorry again about the feels and being mean to both of them. This is my sort of writing. Johnlock shippers may wear slash goggles but this is not a johnlock fiction.

Sherlock paused for barely a second gather his thoughts before swinging the side door open and hopping out. He pulled his coat back on in an almost graceful manner.  A car blared its horn at the obstruction but he did not move out the way, causing a barrage of abuse from the driver.

  "Thanks for the lift John." He shut the car door, striding out onto the path and to the entrance of 221. The doctor was out and after him in a beat.

  "Oh no you don't." John was on his tail and caught up, "You can't just waltz on back into Baker Street and pretend nothing's happened."

  The detective narrowed his eyes, which was half a look of embarrassment and half a grimace of pain, the doctor noted. "Why ever not?" Sherlock tapped the knocker in the hope that Mrs Hudson was home. "I am fine, and I have a case to solve now, remember."

“Sherlock?” Mycroft was on the pavement now, Mary by his side. He stood calmly, with his hands resting on his umbrella but the look of discontent was in his eyes as he warned his younger brother.

  "You are not fine." John cried between a solid jaw, "not five minutes ago you were heading into respiratory arrest from a drug overdose." 

  "Oh please." Sherlock rolled his eyes, and John clenched his jaw harder in response. "I'm alive and you fixed that. Thank you." He placed a firm hand onto the doctor’s shoulder and pinched it a gesture of fake gratitude. "Now, I think it's time you and Mary toddled off home don't you?"  

The door of the flat creaked open. "Ah, Mrs Hudson."   The old lady paled a little at the sight of the young man, her mouth opened to speak but the detective interrupted, rudely pushing past and into the hallway, he spoke before she could. "Sorry for the confusion with everything, looks like I'm not taking that trip abroad." He smiled at her, but John could see it wasn't a genuine grin. "I've got a case to solve." He repeated. "Looks like London is in need of their favourite detective again. Old Moriarty is back in town and up to his usual tricks I see, so I will be here for sometime to come. I hope you haven’t dusted too much while I’ve been gone."   Sherlock's words were fast and rushed and John eyed him with some caution, the man was not behaving normally. He was jittery and restless, bouncing on his feet nervously.

  "Well. See you all later then." Sherlock's coat flapped outwards as he spun on his heel and started up the stairs. "Thanks for the lift and everything again John. Do let me know when the child decides to appear." He disappeared from sight.

  "I'm sorry Mrs H." John sighed, patting the old lady on the arm and smiling sadly, "everything's going to be ok." He added. "Mary will explain everything, I just need to..." He turned to the other Holmes in the doorway now. Mycroft's face was pointing to the stairs, the unnatural look of concern plastered across it.

“Stay with him John.” He said finally, “please.” He added. “All you need will be dropped off here, remember what I said about going to hospital, I need you to do all you can here. Keep in touch.” He disappeared from the hallway, and John could see the redness beginning to form in his eyes before he turned.

  Mrs Hudson stood in somewhat of a shock. "What's happening?" She finally said as Mary stepped through the front door. "Are they ok?"

  "Let's get a cuppa shall we?" Mrs Watson asked sadly, watching her husband bound up the stairs after the detective. "I can explain what's going on." The old lady nodded leading Mary back into 221A.  

When John arrived at the door of the flat it was still open and he crept inside, darkness lay across most of the flat, the curtains closed to the low morning sunlight. His friend was nowhere to be seen in the living room or kitchen and he turned to look elsewhere when he heard him. The unmistakable noise of retching. He hurried on and found the door of the bathroom also open and his best friend bent over awkwardly, heaving into the toilet bowl.

  "Still pleased with your little session now?" John regretted his words instantly, entering the bathroom, he grabbed a clean towel from the cupboard on his way.   The detective sat up, face pale and sweaty, hair plastered to his skin in places, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Sherlock attempted to stand but listed drastically to his left before finally managing it upright. "Piss off John." He finally growled, moving to make an exit.

  "Hey." John blocked his way to the door. His face depicting nothing but anger now, he clasped his hands together in fists. "What did you say?"  

Sherlock stood tall, but his muscles were already starting to jitter under his large coat. "You heard me." The detective grumbled, his eyes wide and unfocused. "Why have you not left yet?"  

"Why?" John laughed in a mocking tone. "Why? Because, if I haven't told you already you took a bloody overdose and nearly died."

  "And..."  

John bit tongue, hard, tasting blood. He sucked in a breath and carefully let it go. "And, right now the naloxone has not only pushed your body into withdrawal but your still high as a bloody kite on cocaine."   

"What does it matter to you?" Sherlock angrily shot. 

The doctor chose not to reply. He observed him carefully for a moment. The detective's pupils were dilated, eyes wide and staring like a wild animal in panic. His arms were starting to tremor lightly and sweat was dripping in cascades down his pale forehead. He was rocking from one foot to the other in both in impatience, nervousness and desperation to escape the situation.

  "Please just calm down." John held his hands out in defence, realising just how close his friend clearly was close to losing it.

  "I have a case John. An important case." Sherlock shouted. He grimaced then, doubling over as pain shot through his abdomen, cramping his muscles.  

"Just take it easy." The doctor let his friend take a moment. "Please."  

"There's nothing wrong with me."  

"Sherlock?"

  "I need the bathroom. Get out." He ordered.  John decided to let up. He retreated from the room to at least allow the detective some privacy. The mix of cocaine and the instant heroin withdrawal was kicking his friend’s body into overdrive, the consequences would not be pretty. He paced into the kitchen, uneasy and heart racing with worry.

John waited for some time before he lingered in the doorway and then began to pace around the flat. “Sherlock?” he finally said after many minutes had passed, his inner doctor unable to take the waiting any longer.

“Go away.” A reply came from behind the bathroom door.

“You can’t stay in there forever.” John cried, “You have to come out sometime.”

He waited, until finally the sound of the toilet flushing was heard and he hurried back to the hallway. The door opened and his friend stepped out, face flushed and gait more than a little unsteady.

“Come on.” John tugged gently on the Belstaff guiding his friend towards the bedroom but Sherlock had other ideas. He slinked away from his friend and took to the living room.

“Case remember.” The detective shot, “How many time do I have to tell you?” 

John followed, watching his friend look around the flat, glazed eyes darting around the room in confusion. Sherlock's legs were starting to shake, knees sagging struggling to hold his lanky frame upright. 

“What is it you want?” John was next to him, mindful the man could potentially collapse at any given moment. 

“Laptop.” This time Sherlock’s voice shook too. 

“For goodness sake will you just sit down?” John pushed him towards the sofa, and for once his friend obliged. His trembling legs barely managing it three steps before giving out and letting him fall unceremoniously to the pillows of the sofa. 

“Thank you.” John sighed, sitting down opposite him on the coffee table. 

Sherlock closed his eyes then, drawing his feet up and bringing his knees up to his chin against the tremors. He hitched a breath in as abdominal cramps seized his muscles and he let out a soft whimper against the pain. 

“Sherlock.” John started.

“Please go away John.” The detective answered, swallowing back the rising nausea threatening again. His breaths hastened, he was on the edge hyperventilating, sucking quick ragged inhales and exhales between his teeth and ridged jaw. 

“Nope. Not happening.” John cried. “I’m right here and I’m going nowhere anytime soon so you better get used to it." He stood up, heading to the kitchen to pour a glass of water. 

Sherlock did not move. He curled closer in on himself. His legs struggling to remain in place against the shaking which came in waves now. His joints and muscles were aching, head throbbing with a constant thrum. “I’ve done this before you know.” He finally said, muffled by his coat. 

John paused and winced, did not want to think about it. A young Sherlock going through withdrawal, alone in some scummy crack house. Lestrade had spoken very little of the detectives past or drug problem but he’d told John enough to let him know things had been pretty bleak back then. “Well this time you don’t have to do it alone.” He finally piped up.

“Ergh.” Sherlock groaned into his knees. “You sound just like Mycroft.” 

“Well I’m not Mycroft.” John returned to the coffee table with the pint glass of cool water. “I’m a doctor and your friend and I’m here to look after you.”

“Don’t. Need. You.” The detective said in between unsteady breaths. “Please.” He cried. Two involuntary drops of saltwater spilled out from underneath closed lids, the pain intensifying. “Please John, not like this.” He whispered weakly.

“Hey.” The doctor placed a comforting hand on his friend’s leg. “It’s ok. It’s not like I haven’t seen someone go through withdrawal before.”

Sherlock moaned in reply, letting out another whimper of pain as muscle spasms overtook his arms and legs. “Please.” He cried. “You can’t help me.” A defeated moan, breaths falling into quick gasps, “Leave me.”

John looked sadly at him, the man’s pride getting the better of him. When would he just give it up? “Just try to calm down.” He said. “Try breathing a little slower ok.” 

“Can’t.”

“Listen.” John tried to change his approach. “You’re losing too much fluid. Your going to get dehydrated, I need you to drink something for me. Do you think you can do that?”

“No.” another groan.

“Come on.” John held the water up, “Just try.”

Sherlock opened his eyes, now red rimmed with unfallen tears. His pupils were still blown wide open unnaturally, but this time the look of sadness was within them. He pulled a shaky hand out to grasp uselessly but John kept hold of the glass, guiding it to his friend’s mouth while he took a long gulp. 

“Well isn’t this humiliating?” The detective grumbled. 

“Slowly.” John ignored the statement, warning against a second gulp of the liquid, but it was too late. Sherlock practically threw the glass back to his friend, spilling half its contents down himself and the doctor, he pitched forwards heaving the water back up and onto the carpet below.

“Wonderful.” He whispered, throat sore.

“It’s ok. We can try again in a bit ok.” John stood to collect something to clean the floor with.

“I’m not a child!” Sherlock complained, retching once more as his stomach tried again to repel any signs of the liquid. He collapsed back against the sofa and closed his eyes.

“I didn’t say you were.”

“Stop treating me like one.” The detective cried, his body shaking again, the violent spasms were getting worse and he furrowed his brows tightly together against the agony. He scowled at John in an instant. “Just get out.” His voice tried to sound angry but it only came out as a croak. 

“No. Sorry.” John returned with kitchen towel and disinfectant, surprised he had found either in the kitchen. “This is all just the drugs talking now.”

“Get out.” Sherlock shouted, this time with a bit more gusto. 

John ignored him, bending down to clean the floor. 

“Did you hear me John?” the detective’s eyes snapped open. “I said get out. I don’t need you here.” Sherlock slammed his feet into the floor and pushed up onto them, knocking John back with some force. "Go back to your wife or whoever she is."

“Hey, whoa.” John scrambled up to see his friend dart across the room. “What are you doing now?”

Sherlock did not answer, he was already rooting through his things by the table. Books, papers and crime scene paraphernalia being thrown haphazardly and a desperate attempt to find something. 

“Sherlock?” John made it across the room.

“I said get out John!” the detective hollered, “Why won’t you just listen for once.” He clutched his forehead and groaned against another barrage of pain, this time splitting across his temples. 

“I told you already. I’m not going anywhere.” John stepped forward, worry creeping into his chest and rising up into his throat. He tried and coax the detective away from the chaos. “Come on now, stop this.” He edged forwards.

“No!” a cry. Sherlock spun to push his friend away only to grab the doctor’s coat to steady himself. He swayed like a madman, and tried again to shove the blogger back to no avail, instead his legs gave out and John carefully guided him onto his knees. “Piss off John!” he struck out with a weak fist, arms jittering, his eyes stared vacantly ahead, clearly fixed on something only he could see. 

“Fuck me.” John swore suddenly feeling the heat radiating form his friend, “You’re burning up.” He held a palm over Sherlock's forehead, frowning in worry.

“Go away.” The detective mumbled, still trying desperately to push his friend back but doing nothing more than grabbing wildly at John’s coat to stop himself from sinking to the floor. His teeth chattered, jaw now shaking amongst the rest of his muscles and limbs. 

“It's ok.” John tried to guide his friend down to the floor but Sherlock would not relent, determined to remain in an upright position. “Hey, just let go. I’m just going to get you something for this.”

“No.” Sherlock whimpered, a tear broke free from his puffy eye and escaped down his clammy cheek. “No more drugs.” He pleaded.

“It’s ok.” John prized one hand from his clothes and started to lower his friend down to the carpet, be done with trying to get him back to the sofa. “Just take it easy alright. Just lay down for a moment will you.” 

Sherlock did not answer, he let out a weak moan, muscles spasms shaking his entire body violently. He closed his eyes against the agony exploding behind his eyes.

“Just hang on a moment.” John managed to prize the second hand from his clothes and stood up in haste, rushing out the room and downstairs where he retrieved the medical kit.

“John?” Sherlock’s weak voice sounded when the doctor arrived back in the living room. The detective had rolled onto his side in a feeble attempt to get up, but the violent contractions where rendering the lanky man’s frame useless. His hands grasped out for something to hold, both appendages jolting with an accompanying moan of pain.

“I’m here. Just hang on a second.” The doctor could see his friend was on the cusp of either a full blown seizure or his heart was about to give out from the large dose of 7% solution still running his veins. He unzipped the med bag, routing quickly through the supply of drugs. “Thank you Mycroft.” He finally said, holding up a vial of Dexmedetomidine, the exact drug which the doctor wanted right now.

“Right.” John arrived back at his friend’s side. “Coat off now.” He grappled with the large Belstaff, fighting against his friends ridged limbs with some difficulty before finally managing to extract both arms. He sighed in relief to find the intravenous catheter still in situ. How the detective had not noticed and pulled it out John would never know. The doctor drew the drug up into a syringe, checking the dose mentally before quickly administering it into Sherlock’s veins. 

The detective stilled almost instantaneously once the syringe was emptied. Alarmed, John checked his vitals, happy that the sedative was doing its job and not sending him into a coma. He pulled more kit from the bag, quickly checking reflexes to ensure his friend was stable, and although still pretty high he was happy Sherlock's blood pressure was not though the roof, risking a heart attack.

"What the hell were you thinking." John mumbled to himself, pulling out a fluid bag and giving set he connected them together. He started a quick flow of intravenous fluids into his friends catheter before setting to cooling the man down by other means. The carpeted floor was not the most comfortable place for his patient but John made best of what he had, besides he was not comfortable in moving his friend. This was nothing like the battle scared sands of Afghanistan. 

"John?" Sherlock's eyes slit open a little.

"Your ok." The doctor bent over him. "Just relax now, your temperature has rocketed to 39, we need to get you cooled down. Just stay there."

Sherlock didn't even attempt to rise, the drug had rendered him barely conscious, his limbs were now heavy and useless and he could do nothing more than let his head loll to the side and watch John potter into the kitchen. 

The doctor returned with a couple of soaked towels, a flannel and a portable fan. "I'm just going to take your shoes off ok?" He pulled at the laces of his former flatmates shoes and started to remove them. The detective did not answer, his eyes simply sluggishly watched on as both shoes and socks were discarded quickly.

"I quite like you like this. Amenable, compliant and no answering back." John joked for a moment. Setting the fan on full, blasting icy air at Sherlock's feet.

"I can still hear you." The detective slurred, speech somewhat impaired.

"Good to know." John checked his friends pupils, happy to see they had contracted down since sedating him. He pulled his friends shirt open, and placed one towel across his neck and another on his lower abdomen. 

"Cold." Sherlock whined. 

"I know." John soothed. "But necessary I'm afraid." 

John sat back on his legs, wiping a hand across his face he let out a long drawn breath and looked at his friend. Sherlock's hair was a puff of black, stray locks plastered to his damp forehead. The doctor pushed them away from his eyes, eyes which followed his every move under heavy lids. 

"You can rest now." John smiled briefly and sadly at his friend, seemingly a shadow on what the detective had been, not so many years ago. Ever since the fall and Sherlock's return the man was not quite the same, John shuddered at the memory. Exactly how long had the detective been 'not an addict but a user' for now, he tried not to look at the bruised track marks but couldn't help it. "What happened to you?" He whispered quietly, gently soaking up some of the cooling sweat from his friends brow in the flannel.

"What?" Barely recognisable as a word.

"Eh." John faltered. "You weren't meant to hear that."

Sherlock's eyes closed for a moment, he inhaled deeply. "I killed people." He finally said, voice still somewhat weak and sore but with enough clarity that the doctor could understand him. "I killed Magnussen."

"Yes." Said John. "It's very kind of you to do that for Mary but really now, I think ending a life was a little extreme. And even more so for someone who's actually tried to kill you themselves." He tried to keep the last words calm but struggled somewhat.

"Necessary." Sherlock's eyes reopened. His blue Iris's fixing back on his friend. "You know my methods Watson." He slurred again.

"No. I really don't." John replied. "Not anymore I don't. Not since..." He paused.

Sherlock's eyes screwed tight and he convulsed in pain, letting out another soft groan. "Since when?" He cried, ignoring the pull of sedation threatening unconsciousness.

John looked at him mournfully, brows etching in concern. "Since Barts." He finally said. "Since the fall. Since Moriarty. Since going away." 

"Hm."

"Where did you go?" John carefully moistened his friends skin against the cool air flow of the fan, constantly rattling away in the background. "What happened?"

"Nothing of your concern. I neutralised the network." Sherlock shivered, goose flesh appearing on his arms. John pulled out the thermometer probe, taking another temperature from the detective's ear.

"You concern me." He said, happy to see the digital display reading 38.8 degrees. 

"Why?" 

John gulped hard against the rising lump in his throat. "Because I care about you Sherlock. Your my best friend." 

The detective managed a small smirk on his slack face, "caring." He mocked.

"I'm serious." John replied. "Your killing yourself. This needs to stop right now."

"Did Mycroft set you up to this lecture?" Sherlock croaked. "Because I've heard it all before you know. What does it matter."

"You matter, you cock." John wished he could grab his friend by the shoulders and shake him but thought better of it. "This is me talking. Not your brother. Please Sherlock, just do this for me ok. Stop this madness."

"What madness?"

"Everything." John's voice broke. "I can't lose you again Sherlock. I don't think my heart could actually bare it a second time. Damn it, I'd probably die with you this time."

There was a long and pregnant pause. Sherlock took a shuddering intake of air and closed his eyes again. A steady stream of tears appeared from under closed lids, mixing with the cold sweat and pouring in tracks down both cheeks "I'm sorry." He finally choked back. His voice wavering dramatically with emotion. "I'm so sorry John. Please forgive me." The walls of his mind palace caved and he fell apart, a sob ripped involuntarily from between his lips. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

The doctors eyes welled quickly, spilling his own tears now. He grabbed his friend and pulled him upwards into an embrace. Holding him there while his best friend, stalwart, stoic and damn right stubborn poured his emotions into John's shirt collar.

"It's alright now." John rubbed steady circles into Sherlock's back for sometime, soothing him while the sobs wracked his aching body, draining it of yet more precious energy by the second. "I'm right here."

"I'm sorry." The detective moaned. 

"It's ok now." John cried. "Please don't be sorry."

Sherlock did not answer. His shaking body and sobs came to a sudden abrupt halt and body capitulated to unconsciousness, giving in to the pull of sedation and exhaustion. 

"Thank fuck." John lowered him back down to the carpet and onto his coat still there. He turned up the IV fluids a little faster and quickly checked the man over. He then pulled the afghan throw and pillow from the sofa and stretched out next to his friend. One hand planted firmly over Sherlock's heart and gunshot scar, a gentle thud under his palm, reassurance that his friend was still alive and blood was pumping through his veins. "Just sleep." He said. "And I'll be right here when you wake."


End file.
